nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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