The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
