lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
