we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
