My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
