my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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