You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
