There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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