So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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