From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
