i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
