i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
