I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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