just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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