In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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