We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
