Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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