Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
