the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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