My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize