Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
