He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
