There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
