I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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