belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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