Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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