Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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