Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize