Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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