Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
where am i from again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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