Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he thought i was a dude.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
