I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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