They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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