super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
