Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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