If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
