If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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