And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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