I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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