a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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