Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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