a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
