Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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