I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you would pick up someone in the library
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
