Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize