the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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