Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
