I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
