and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
