There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
