I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
