I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
