I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
