her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
