I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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