Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
