the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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