UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
