guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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