i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
