My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize