he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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